Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Bachelorette Des- Men Tell All

Woohooo It's that time again, Men Tell All! Love these episodes, the Bachelorette gets to confront the guys after watching the show and seeing things she didn't get to see. And of course man on man drama.
But before we get to any of the good stuff, we have to watch Chris and Des crash some viewing parties.  I wonder if that's why the ratings are down, because huge gaggles of girls(and some men) get together to watch it on one TV. Or maybe Des just isn't entertaining for some. who knows. Next we see Des have some more girl time. Past Bachelorettes are there to give Des some advice on seeing the guys she sent packing.  Emily, Ali and Ashley are there and I love them all.  Emily says not to let them pull a fast one over on her like Kalon tried on her, before she went all West Virginia hood rat on him hehe. Oh sweet Emily. Ali asks if Ben was really that bad? Besides of course his exit limo rant- where the bitches at? Next they talk about Brian with the girlfriend, and the girls know exactly how she feels.  Ali had Justin aka Rated R the wrestler.  The girls joke that the Stephanie girl better not have gotten back with Brian's cheating ass, or they are going to throw rocks at her! lol (she apparently threw rocks at Brian during a past argument) Can we please see footage if that happens? I think the girls should be able to throw rocks at some of the guys, like James for example hehe. I think Ali would be first in line! She is fired up about how James treated Des, she says he tried to manipulate her into thinking his actions were ok, that it's ok to think about your next girlfriends. Ali is feisty! I miss her, forgot how much I liked her, I think I may like her better than Emily. I said Ashely was there too but she didn't say much which is unusual, she is the usually the hyper one running around. Maybe she was drunk and sleepy.
Finally the Men! The guys that were brave enough/haven't quite gotten their 15 mins of fame, showed up.
Robert-sign spinny guy that got no screen time, and again tonight no screen time
Dan- who? oh Jeff Probst look alike
Nick- Charlotte guy! maybe he will talk more! nope
Brad- DJ with the kid.....and possible restraining order from baby momma
Jonathan- Fantasy suite guy, enough said
Bryden- The Army was a breeze but the Bachelorette was too much for him....
Brandon- Mr. Emotional
Will- The token black guy.  Dang I forgot about most of these men, and they don't help their case much by not talking tonight either
Zack K-again who? I need to go back and read my notes.
James- BOOOOOOO!! the whole audience booos him hahaha
Ben- also gets boooed but not quite as loud.
Mikey T- the other meathead, he actually gets some applause here, really ladies?
Juan Pablo- Holy Estrogen Batman! The audience went nuts when they called his name! Hot flashes all around
Kasey- no one is paying attention at the moment, still screaming for J Pablo
Michael- ugh the federal instigator
and Zak W- recent reject.  Just when I thought he couldn't get any more spray tanned, he looks like an oompa loompa here, yikes.
So the no shows tonight are Brain with the GF (Boooo), Failed dip doctor Larry and Diogo the knight in armor. No wait, cut to outside, he is trying to get into the building but can't get through the metal detectors. really? Are we really supposed to believe it is Diogo Why doesn't he just take it off? Oh right because it isn't him. I bet wasn't even his suit to begin with, the producers must just have that suit of armor laying around??
Chris asks Jonathan if he regretted the fantasy suite idea, of course he does.  He says it was a last minute joke gone horribly horribly wrong, and he got drunker and drunker as the night went on.  He apologizes profusely and genuinely looks mortified from his actions.  Can't hate the guy, there's always someone who accidentally gets wasted on all the free booze.
Chris asks Juan Pablo what he thought of all the drama. He said he's been on plenty of soccer teams with men but never seen this kind of drama. Well yes, but hopefully your whole team isn't dating the same girl. He also says Ben walked in the door on the first night saying he wasn't there to make friends, I can see how that was a slap in the face to the guys, Ben didn't even try to like any of them.
First in the Hot seat is Brian- or not.  Harrison says they reached out to him and he declined....so they are going to talk about him anyways! WooHooo. Love Harrison. They call him a coward, Brandon says no man should ever treat a woman like that.....and he also points to Ben who is sitting in front of him and doesn't see him pointing at him, so brave Brandon.
Ben is the first official first one in the hot seat.  He tries to explain that his limo exit was not like him, that he had just had a horrible date and been dumped so he acted like a jack ass. Dan Probst speaks for the first time and boy is it good! He says he met up with Ben's baby momma in Vegas and she spilled some nasty details about him.  Apparently she said Ben was not a good father and actually cheated on a current girlfriend when he got her pregnant. Damn!  I guess no one told Dan that what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas, you know he tapped that.  Ben still denies everything and says he has a great relationship with his ex. Yeah ok, right.
Next is James' turn, he tries to still defend himself saying Mikey started the infamous Bachelor convo and thinks some of the guys owe him an apology for ruining his shot with Des, hahaha yeah okay James. Of course none of the guys do, Mikey is there finally to tell his side of the story but somehow he just can't remember who actually started that topic, yeah uhh huuh.  Mikey says it's ok to have a plan B and Kasey calls BS and asks if on their wedding day he is going to be thinking of his next wife. That's a little dramatic but the audience loves it! Mikey is pissed and gets in Kasey's face, again showing what a meathead his is. Kacey remains seated and tries to finish his sentence, James is just eating this stuff up still sitting over with Harrison in the hotseat.  Mikey is mad because his face is all over the tabloids from this whole overheard conversation he supposedly had, and Kasey rightly points out that James was the one who threw him under the bus and said he was the one who started it.  They all argue back and forth and Juan Pablo, the voice of reason this episode said look "I like James, but I have a sister and a daughter and would never let them date him" hahaha he goes on to say "Maybe if he became a good James, but not now" hahaha.  Juan Pablo is not just great to look at, he also may be the smartest one here, aside from Harrison of course. Speaking of, Harrison asks the audience if they want James as the next bachelor? The whole room shouts NOOOOOOOOO, hahaha thats gotta burn.
Juan Pablo- Talk about getting the Bachelor edit!! The audience goes nuts everytime he opened his mouth.  Harrison says that in the history of the show, no one has made a bigger impact with so little screen time as Juan Pablo.  I always thought he was really, really good looking- DUH, but tonight we got to actually see some personality! He is funny, endearing, and don't let his broken english fool you, he's no dummy. Did I mention he was sexy?? just a lil bit. He says he is looking for a wife and mother to his daughter Camilla who he spends every weekend with so it's tough on his dating life.  He said he let Camilla watch the season premiere this year since there was no kissing yet (Awww) and that Camilla made fun of how Des pronounced his name Wan Paaahbloo. Too cute. I'm just waiting for airborne panties from the audience to smack JPab in the face any second.  OH! and remember the Mr America pageant they did and for some ungodly reason they didn't show him in his speedo? Well they finally did tonight.....and well thank you.  I would be perfectly happy seeing that man candy on my tv next January when it's cold and dreary. JPab for Bachelor!! 
Last is recent reject Zak.  He talks about his shirtless limo arrival and how he is basically a wild, spontaneous ball of energy and he came out with his crazy guns blazing to see if Des could keep up. Well I guess it worked because he made it waaaaay further than I ever thought, I didn't think he would even make it past night one.  He is the equivalent of Lindsey from Sean's season, she came out of the limo in a freaking wedding dress, got shitfaced that first night but made it to the final 2. ok back to Zak, he says he works on the oil rigger for 6 months out of the year so it's really hard to meet women.......so those other 6 months?  I bet it's even harder to meet women in a sno cone truck dressed as a penguin....I think he might have a better shot on the oil rigger.  Harrison has the journal Zak gave Des (I guess she gave it back with the ring? ouch) but what Des didn't know is there was a hidden message in the back, Zak wrote a poem in blacklight ink...........you know what else glows in blacklights?!?! Ewwwww. But wait, so Zak gave her this journal waay back in episode 2 or 3, did it have the poem in it then??? because it talks about how much he loves her and at that point he hadn't even had a date with her yet. I guess he always did come on a little strong.
Finally Des comes out to take her turn in the hot seat and see these guys for the first time since sending them home.  She goes straight for Jonathan and is about to rip him a new one when she realizes he is completely embarrassed and trying to apologize. Apparently Des didn't get to hear anything backstage.  She accepts his apology and moves on to Ben.  She is pissed about his limo exit, she said he wasted no time talking about Hollywood and hooking up with girls.  She said it just proved he wasn't there for the right reasons and she made the right decision.  She saves the biggest douche for last. She embraces her inner Ali and says James did manipulate her, he made her feel bad for trusting the other guys.....who were right!  He's just not getting it though, he's acting like the victim.  Des finally just gives up with an "Ugh" there's no getting through that thick meathead skull. Moving on, Harrison asks her why she sent JPab home so soon. There's too much screaming and woooing from the audience that I don't catch her answer, but I assume it's because she's in love with Brooks.  She should have at least taken him to the fantasy suites, he's soooo much better looking than Drew. Next is Zak, she says she felt like he was always hiding behind his smile, that it's basically ok to have a bad day once in a while. Or in other words, he never stood a chance up against Brooks or even Chris.  But Wait, Zak has not quite sung enough on this show so he busts out his guitar and I leave the room. I thought him getting the boot last week, that I wouldn't have to suffer through any more songs.  And I'm surprised Michael didn't accuse him of being there to promote a singing career.
Finally the Blooper Reel! There are falling lights, falling people, Des attempting to go into a porta-potty but getting the heebeegeebee's, JPab trying to say yodeler and Harrison trying unsuccessfully to pronounce their hotel in Germany "how about next time we stay at a Marriott?" hehehe.
Well that's it, they show us more teasers of Des crying saying she wants to go home, nothing new, the same previews they've shown all season, so why did the audience look like they just showed them puppies being slaughtered?? I mean the faces on these women looked horrified and shocked, did they see something that we didn't? Another shot of James in that bubble bath??? who knows.
Ok so we can all agree that Drew is the next to go home right? He just doesn't stand a chance.  Can Chris beat Brooks at this point? and even if he did, would he still want Des after seeing her falling all over Brooks all season? Talk about second choice.  Either she ends up with Brooks or Brooks doesn't share her same feelings and she ended up with no one.....my bet is on the former.

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